Dickens

Once again, the night and weariness have drawn out the words that should never have seen light. The constant barrage on the pyschological turf has taken its toll and I become more weary than ever. Ghosts of the distant past revisit in the way Dickens' story materializes for Scrooge. And ironically, Christmas draws near. The present may reign but there are moments like these when I wonder the 'what is to come', while dwelling on the 'what has been'.

As said, the bones are better left undisturbed. The Quixotic is never meant to be, neither the Gump. What is ever pressing is the adage; 'Live your life every day as though it is your last'. I may be a social construct, but when the destruction of everything is complete, what will be left is my Will alone. I am not of the Faith, nor of Nature. Instead, let my Will guide me in the ways of the unseen, let my cryptic ways form my identity, for I am me. I may be subsumed in the traditions of humanism, of civilization, but beneath it all, I subscribe to nothing, except my free Will, for lo and behold, it is what I have left.

The husk will not last long.

My name's Gump. Forrest Gump.

I have been hinted on my apparent stupidity before, but it has always been on a subconscious level. This time round, however, it was a direct frontal assault that left no hope of recovery.

'You are not that smart'.

Coming from him, it was rather unexpected, but what with tired minds, it was the truest and most sincere statement issued forth. The words still ring in my ears, and the shock of the aftermath remains. It is but another scar over the old wounds on my psyche, and it hardens my resolve ever than before. The ex-student is scathing indeed, and on retrospect, it is not surprising. Elitism is a cold hard fact of society and prejudices, a natural aspect. I am unwittingly guilty of that and the hunter becomes the hunted. It is indeed ironical.

So what are the earmarks of intelligence, I am wont to ask. Is the bearer of the RI and NUS badge the intelligent person? Is the person possessing an IQ of 350 intelligent? Are the lawyers and doctors the only intelligent people around? And the rest are but mere blabbering fools, I presume? Or should we continue to delude ourselves by insisting that everyone is intelligent? Hold on that thought. I seem to be contradicting myself.

But the question remains. Does he know me well enough to deem me stupid? I need to fight stupid, stupid I may be.